Be My Boner: Kyiv Poster Celebrates Int’l Women’s Day
Special Offer: Ukraine’s leading English-language newspaper, in an attempt to stimulate flagging revenues, is offering a one-time discount on subscriptions to female readers while celebrating International Women’s Day at the same time.
What do you have to do? Just send a fawningly complimentary email to chief editor Brent Boner’s email address, explaining why you think he should keep his job despite turning the paper into a headline-based rag. All entries will be considered by Boner himself, who will personally contact the winner and several runners up.
Contest guidelines: All emails must start with the phrase: “Be my Boner” and then proceed to massage the ego of chief editor Boner, laying particular emphasis on his ongoing war to defend freedom of speech and journalistic standards in Ukraine.
What else you can win: Top candidates will additionally be offered an internship at the Kyiv Poster, with all the empty promises of a future career in journalism included. Training will take place at a romantic resort under the guidance of the paper’s top editorial staff: i.e., Boner himself.
Note: All emails from women over 30 years of age will not be considered. Additionally, failure by the applicants to send photos of themselves and personal contact details will only delay and possibly derail their selection.
??? Date Lost
Note to Kyiv Unedited Readers:
The filing date and all other pertinent information regarding this ad have been lost and we are not exactly certain how we at Kyiv Unedited would have gotten hold of what appears to be a Kyiv Poster house ad – much as you would probably be if you were we. Nevertheless, we have chosen to run it, as you can see, and seeing as how International Women’s Day is March 8 (this year, and every year), we have placed it here; a little late, but – Secret Editorial Board