The first letter Kyiv Unedited sent to David Lynch got no response. We, of Kyiv Unedited, are not jumping to conclusions, but rather, trusting in the good faith and will of Mr. Lynch, are sending him this second letter. As they say, we’ll see what happens. I mean, who knows, maybe he didn’t even get the first one. But no… that’s impossible…
Dear Mr. Lynch,
It’s been more than two days since KYIV UNEDITED sent you a letter, MR. LYNCH, and still, no response.
Before jumping to conclusions about why that would be, we thought it could be any number of reasons, or perhaps just one reason, or maybe even none at all. We’re not assuming that you were too busy and couldn’t respond to it, or weren’t busy at all and simply decided to ignore us. We just don’t know.
In this situation, we decided to give all this (meaning, inter alia, you) the benefit of the doubt, rather than the doubt itself.
So now, with this second letter, we decided to first look at the first letter to see if maybe there wasn’t something about it that may have put you off, might have insulted you, swiped at your honor and dignity and feeling of self-worth, or just generally upset you and hurt your feelings.
It was, we thought, such a positive letter, so open and upbeat, written with such enthusiasm, childlike innocence, encouragement to you, and good will, that we simply find suggestions that it was somehow or in any way possibly emotionally and psychologically damaging to you, quite frankly, very hard to believe, much less swallow.
In addition to ourselves, who read the first letter – over and over again, we might add – and genuinely found nothing wrong with it, we also submitted it to our Special Famous World People Letter Writing Campaign Investigative Team (SFWPLWCIT) both for their perusal and examination, and their conclusions as with respect to the very same, one being directly connected to the other and inseparable from the two therewith.
At first, as well as at second, they too found nothing wrong with our first letter to you, going so far as noting in their official comments that they “rather liked it”, repeating the same sentiment several times.
However, upon our resubmission of the letter to them with the request they look at it yet again, the third and subsequent times they filed their findings, they said perhaps the letter was “a tad too aggressive”, appending each time a longer descending scale of harsher observations.
In going through these, we came across one instance that we strongly suspect was the key to your silence, or, as we believe, merely your hesitation before immediately writing us back.
We refer to the passages regarding “Dune”, for after doing in-depth research, to our shock we found out that you were INDEED the director behind that picture.
And yet, the way the letter reads, it sounds like we are saying you had nothing to do with the film and in a sort of backhanded complimenting way suggesting that had you been the director, it would have been better. But the compliment disguises an insult, because what is actually being said is you are in fact the director of “Dune” and the film was, at best, okay, though not great.
When we brought the matter to the attention of Staff Team #17, who wrote it, they said, yeah, it was their way of making a little joke – one, they said, they were convinced you’d appreciate.
So we fired Staff Team 17.
So be it, MR. LYNCH. It’s never pleasant taking such steps, but in situations, such as this one, that require them, well, you know the old song and dance, as among us artists and creative professionals – someone’s got to do it.
Now that this unpleasant issue is permanently settled between US, KYIV UNEDITED and YOU, MR. LYNCH, we’d like to continue from where we left off, and ask that you open KYIV UNEDITED, MR. LYNCH.
You see, there, on the Home Page, is a carousel of mostly detective images, stills from films noir.
These are the image of an earlier age, a younger America, one full of rough and ready energy, breaking all conventions, but still unhindered by the letter of its democratic mandate – just like US! That something, so basic and brutal in gun-wielding men wearing fedoras, served as our cliff, and we jumped off it – and we’re still falling, taking as inspiration your films and the zeitgeist they were born from!
You can take that as a true compliment, MR. LYNCH, because that’s the way it really is!
We even watched your 2000 interview with Charlie Rose on YouTube!!!
KYIV COMMIX represent no immediately discernible linear plot or storyline, but the more YOU read, MR. LYNCH, the more an overall story begins to take shape – but read them randomly, we suggest, and not end-to-end for the whole linear thing – as there is none.
It is a vast and epic journey filled with storytelling intent – a voyage of the imagination.
Vast LITERATURE!!! Vast ART!!!
Do they seem stacked clumsily and confusingly on top of each other? Well, then, MR. LYNCH – what are you waiting for??? Read – and figure it out!!!
We never finish a story. They are left open, in medias res affairs, with no beginning and no end. Your reading experience is therefore meant to be quick, random-order, repeated, and circular (or concentric, as the case may be, depending how it turns out (or turns in – get it, get it)), rather than linear, which, as we’ve already said, is in any case impossible. It’s all up to the reader!
With OUR stories, YOUR will be done, MR. LYNCH, not OURS!
Stories powerful…
Stories, goddamn compelling
Stimulating excitement
Provoking like Hell
Sparking curiosity as to unfathomed motives
Exciting wonder at the unknown
Inside the reader, welling up an urgency, a concern with the state of things (call it the world, life, the universe) that had not been there before
Evocative (contemplation)
Penetrating (reflection)
And last but by no means least, just really, really good!!!
And do the people want to read more? Yes – they do!!! Always! How’s THAT grab ya?!
MR. LYNCH
Talk to us, baby – we want YOU to grab US too!
We love you, man – we honestly, honestly just love you!
Sincerely – yet again
Filed by Staff, Team 5, February 23, 2016