Oh, yes sir. But I was only saying –
Never you mind what you was just saying, and you have got!, and I repeat, being incapable of being more emphatic, you have got to pay attention! Listen to me, boy – or I’ll stop telling them you’re the greatest creative mind in Eastern and Central Europe!
Oh, no sir, you wouldn’t do that, would you? I mean, what about my carefully honed and groomed image, as an artist, for example, and a writer? What about all my Internet publications, my –
Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, haaaaarrrggh…!!! Now, boy, let me just wipe my eyes from the laughter and blow my nose heya! Oh, now I know why I keeps you on!
Yes sir.
Yessa my ass! Now, what was you a-sayin’ that’s so damned inner-esting about this heya newspaper, that I should listen to your re-com-men-da-tions?
Yes sir – aaahh, cutting edge –
No, Losser, boy, that’s for technology – does Boss Lard gotta do everything for ya’ll?!
No sir, I mean, yes sir, I mean, aaahh, up-to-the-minute, the latest, the fastest, the best, ahead of the news, making the news before it happens, aaahh, not just rewriting wire stories and adding a quote, aaahh, cutting edge, aaahh, the latest, aaahh, the sharpest English-language news minds on Earth regarding the Ukraine, aaahh –
No, no, no, no, boy! You gots to be a little more ol’-fashioned and conservative-like here – this a very sensitive area, Now, listen to ol’ Boss Lard and learn something. Our top-of-the-line best journalists & editors write stories that is thoughtful, earnest, thought-provoking, provocative, thought-inducing, highly workable, readable, mind-opening, insightful, well-resoiched, immaculately written and edited, perfectly executed, most deeply gone-into and dugged out, ahead-of-their-time, cutting edge an’ enterprising, that’s en-ter-pris-ing, stories!
Yes sir, you’re absolutely right, as usual, I might say, I truly have still so much to learn from you. Ho.
Yes, that’s right. Well, boy! Issuh anythin’ more? Hurry it up, boy – I’ve got some fine steamin’ a-waitin’ me, and then some jumbo shrimp and a mint julep on the porch, handed to me by my negra slave! Ha, ha, ha, haaaaarrrgh…!!!
Ho, ho, ho – that’s a very funny joke, Boss Lard, knowing exactly how liberal and free-thinking you really actually are.
Yeee-aaase, and don’t I know it! Come on, now, boy – what else?!
Well, you see sir, what troubles me is that you keep telling them you cut expenses and raised revenues, but you keep the two separate, like they don’t have anything to do with each other. For example, you say the World’s Window Through Ukraine cut expenses by 40 percent on the one hand, but also raised revenues by 60 percent on the other, and it seems to me you try to make it so that the two have nothing to do with each other. Like cutting expenses is one thing, which has saved the paper money, but then separately and apart from that, you raised revenues, like the cut expenses had nothing to do with it, and like it was some kind of you worked miracle.
Well, and didn’t I?! And what the hell do you expect me to say, idiot Losser boy?! Of course they got nothin’ to do with each other. What in tarnations do cut expenses have to do with raised revenues? Now you think about it with that tiny brain cell a yours and tellin’ me how revenues can possibly increase if you cut expenses?!
Well, if you cut expenses, then you raise revenues. The two are connected.
They’re separate, boy!
No, sir, they’re connected. If you cut expenses by 40 and raise revenues by 60, then you really raise them only by 20.
No, boy, if we apply your’n logic, then I raise revenues by 60 and then add the cut expenses of 40, and that makes 100.
No, sir, because if you raised revenues by 100, then we would have already made a profit.
Wha?!?
I said, Boss Lard, that if you achieved a 100 percent revenue raise, then the paper would have already turned from red to black and made a profit.
I got no time, I say, I got no time for your hogwash, boy! This is a clear example of a lack of communication, not gettin’ the message acrosst, and so forth and so on. And what the hell’s the use of everything I teach you?! All this trash ‘n’ truck – what’s it good for? Just a waste a my precious time – and time’s something I don’t got! Do you get me, boy?!
Yes sir.
Now Losser, boy, before I go, the Boss Lard firm is purchasing a full-page ad in the paper for every month of this-heya yeya – so you got to make sure that’s a clean wash in our combined Boss Lard-Kyiv Poster accounting books with the monthly raise in my Kyiv Poster salary.
Yes sir, yes sir, yes –
Yessa, my ass! Ha, ha, ha, ha, haaaaarrrggh…!!!
Filed by Jack Step, February 13, 2013