… featuring Boss Lard and Welsh Losser
Is this a horse of a different color, or just another KU ploy to put the collar on the Kyiv Poster dog?
Dear Kyiv Unedited:
Au contraire to the damning indictment of the amateur PR critic of a few articles ago in your highly respected Commix section, I, as a lifelong and obsessed appreciator of trans-global PR efforts, who, for some reason, is currently living in Kyiv, Ukraine, at this juncture in his life, want to assure you that the full-page ad placed in the Kyiv Poster by the Boss Lard PR agency was highly informative, socially and commercially useful, and in general just really great, and it is completely irrelevant that Boss Lard is also the CEO of the newspaper that sold him the ad (or CEO of the paper from which he bought the ad).
And yes, I do believe that the Bolard Group PR firm paid full market price for the ad, with them saying so in the ad itself sufficient for me to believe that they did, so I will not dwell at length with much sarcasm and the like, as the PR critic had done, on this point. Telling us that they paid for the ad provides a meaningful and value-convertible product-to-user service. By doing so, they show that they believe in the Kyiv Poster and what it stands for, like its fight for freedom, and other similar noble ideals and endeavors; there is no conflict of interest here, and, you know, if they hadn’t done it, then maybe we wouldn’t believe they felt so strongly about it or cared.
First, if Boss Lard wants to brag about the resounding success of his “Leopard Finding His Spots” Conference, he has every right to – he’s using his firm’s money to do it, and it was his conference.
Next, showing a picture of himself with Welsh Losser and some of the hardworking gals on his team puts a human face on his operations and gives us confidence in his PR firm’s integrity as well as in how much good PR work they’re doing in the best interests of this community, taking care of our problems while we sleep and then wake up the next day to find the world just the little bit better place to live in – thanks to Boss Lard (and Welsh Losser).
And I think it’s really great that Boss Lard bothers to tell us to beware of advertisements disguised as news and warning companies not to try to buy their way into newspapers with self-promoting paid-for stories trussed up to look and sound like a news report. Because what if we read things like that in papers and then mistakenly believe that we’re reading the news when we’re actually reading an advertisement dressed up to look and sound like the news. More fool us. Kudos to Boss Lard for pointing this very crucial point out regarding commercio-editorial hocus-pocuses and collusions, unfair deceptions, taking advantage of readers’ good-faith reading looking for the truth, and obfuscations. That Boss Lard so aggressively tears this mask away is a brave and noteworthy move!
Also great is the construction fence they put around the TsUM department store in downtown Kyiv, with pictures of the store on it from different years together with the respective texts telling us what was up with the store during those years. For very truthfully, before, I was really concerned with the fate of the famous Stalin-era department store, built on the World War Two ruins of Kyiv and the bodies interred in them, after modern-day oligarchic interests took that property over, but after seeing, and reading, Boss Lard’s construction fence, all of my worries disappeared.
And lastly, I think Boss Lard gives good and sound PR advice to businesses to hire PR firms, like his, to make those companies’ most important decisions for them. I will leave that point with no further comment, as I believe the sense of it speaks for itself.
In short, Boss Lard is a very important person and highly influential in the Kyiv community and on the Ukraine market, and everything he’s done here is really, really great.
Yours truly,
Amateur PR Appraiser
Well, that’s more like it, Boss Lard croons, reading this latest entry in Kyiv Unedited.
Not so fast, Lard!
Hey, who the hell are you?
I’m a Professional PR Consultant, and I insist you need my services.
Well, I’ll be danged! Never thought I’d see the day.
Yes, Lard, surely you have. For, how do you know this isn’t the same person who wrote the damning amateur PR critique in Kyiv Unedited a few stories back, an unstable character merely toying with your ego, someone with a chip on his shoulder and an axe to grind, with a cheap violent thrill or vengeance on his mind, trying to set you up to bring you down – in the worst, most gruesome and gory way imaginable – or Kyiv Unedited simply taking the piss, or some cruel, relentless, vicious, unprincipled, filthy, rabid, and sickening combination of both?
Um, I don’t know, am not sure, am stumped, baffled, thrown for a loop, nearly undone… like someone Wallace Stevens is ambiguously poking fun at in one of his poems.
Yes, Lard, I guess you are.
Filed by Jack Step, May 22, 2013