We, of Kyiv Unedited, and especially its Secret Editorial Board, and secondly, its Management, embark on a letter-writing campaign to David Lynch, which, we are certain, will succeed
These are the files we keep about this – making them of public record – to prove it – for your analysis, historical recordkeeping and casual perusal. Maybe your children will need these for research papers and projects in their future
Dear Mr. Lynch,
WE, OF KYIV UNEDITED, are writing real fact-based news stories as literature! Can you believe that?! We thought someone with a unique vision and immense and strange storytelling talent, so fully exploited in the medium of film, of all things, like you, would like to know.
They’re called “frames”, what we do, and they’re all on our website, which you can easily find if you just go to KYIV UNEDITED!!! And that’s what WE, OF KYIV UNEDITED, are asking you to do, even though we’re aware of how busy you must be. Yet, that’s just how unique, breathtakingly state-of-the-art, pushing the boundaries, beyond this world, and out of this world, and ahead of its time – and everybody else’s – what we’re doing we think is – HERE, AT KYIV UNEDITED!!!
So, what do YOU think, Mr. Lynch? Don’t you think the same?! It would be really hard to believe it if you don’t – and we certainly don’t believe it! HERE, AT KYIV UNEDITED!!! We’re right there with you ALL THE WAY, Mr. Lynch, and would like you to be with us, AT KYIV UNEDITED, the same way!!! And, after all, we hope you may think – why on Earth not!
Have you read any frames yet, Mr. Lynch? Please tell us what you think!
The concept behind the three years’ effort came from a nightmare and an argument, but not Platonic philosophy as compared to Aristotlic, theater-wise, which in great measure figures deeply in our experimentational writing innovations, using form.
We made discoveries!
Like in the film “Dune”, we found you can bend space (that is, content) by bringing two ends of form together through a folding manner of our imaginations rather than drawing, by old and obsolete traditional narrative means, now, after us, to be soon roundly discarded, a straight line between the two points from beginning to end. You see?!
Are you familiar with the book, “Dune”? There was a film made by the same name, but it’s missing a lot of things. We think had you made the film, it would have been worth its weight in cinematographic weightiness. It should have been a landscape of dream, but it was merely a visual experience, just a cinematic journey.
Thanks to you! That’s great – isn’t it?!
We don’t bore anyone!!!
1,000 words come into our heads, and that’s a frame. The characters that inhabit that frame are a given. Once you get the hang of it, the secret is easy to exploit, but only we can do it, and we ask that YOU ACT FAST, MR. LYNCH, to play the game with US, HERE, AT KYIV UNEDITED!
ACT NOW, MR. LYNCH! And use from the obvious abundance of your talents, so similar with which you are to us, to take advantage of what WE, HERE, AT KYIV UNDEDITED are offering – each work being separate yet part of a larger, truly never-ending “life scape” – and we live inside it!!! Come on and live in it with us! You have nothing to lose…
… EXCEPT THE OPPORTUNITY!!!
… ACCEPT THE CHANCE!!!
… EXPECT THE CHANGE!!!
IT beckons, IT calls, and as you are ITS privileged target, IT does so only with respect to you!
No, really… This is not a lie. We earnestly want to work with YOU!!!
The setting is Kyiv. The characters are losers based on losers who already live here. They are also freaks and creeps hard to distinguish. With almost no exception, all of them are foreign, and most of those are American – so we think you’d be able to figure them out quickly enough, MR. LYNCH, and have a lot in common with us, HERE, AT KYIV UNEDITED, WHO not only made the characters up, but have perhaps, but not intentionally so – just the way it worked out – the unfair upper-hand advantage of knowing them all too well already before you. But WE think YOU should simply say to this – “Hey, so what…”
Yeah, that’s what you should say… yeah, yeah…
And we’ve no doubt THAT YOU WILL!!!
Ha ha ha ha, hoo hoo hoo… Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah…
The style ranges from parody to grotesque realism, as we lack better words. But how or what we call it all isn’t what’s important, but what’s important, MR. LYNCH, is that it’s got heart, damn the muses! – HEART…
More than all the others will ever do.
People have a built-in need for STORIES!!! OUR STORIES, LYNCH!!! HERE, AT KYIV UNEDITED! ACT FAST, ACT NOW! NOW, I TELL YOU, NOW!!! Modern publishing is evil! Do you really want to be part of it? The novel is dead! Do you really want to be accomplice to people reading the dead when you can be the co-conspirator of the living!
It makes us puke!
Soft-bellied academics.
Fuzzy sweaters.
Preaching to the masses.
Blaming us for cretinism with five-dollar words – BAH!!! Meaning, image, symbol, meaning, image, symbol – BAAAAAHHH!!! we say, BAAAAAHHH!!!
We are in medias res. Nothing’s left said, as possible, just stick-figure action talking fast through dreamworld descriptions.
Can YOU do that, MR. LYNCH?
Maybe once you could, but now you can work with us, KYIV UNEDITED, so why not JUST GO FOR IT – YEAH!!!
Maybe once you influenced US, but NOW WE have taken the lead.
KYIV UNEDITED KYIV UNEDITED KYIV UNEDITED
KYIV COMMIX KYIV COMMIX KYIV COMMIX KYIV COMMIX KYIV COMMIX KYIV COMMIX KYIV COMMIX KYIV COMMIX KYIV COMMIX
KYIV COMMIX KYIV COMMIX
They tell themselves – we don’t teach or preach. Hell, we don’t even write them! Driving through the roar.
We’re here, MR. LYNCH, and YOU are there, so come here, and be WITH US!!!
NOW!!! We work and write fast. Once the stories start, they flash by in no time. And you don’t want to miss them when they do. We’re telling you, MR. LYNCH.
HEART, I tell you, HEART!!!
So let us know. Reply direct.
We don’t think what we write, we just write, and it’s on to another and another. This is how we do it, this is how we say. They tell themselves genuinely. Touching the people with compelling narrative, and they decide! Think of this as A GREAT OFFER!!! A figurative note in a bottle – what a pleasure!
Sent to you.
We talk in distorted form and express ourselves!
Gumball-machine world.
Join us, HERE, AT KYIV UNEDITED, MR. LYNCH, and take the ride of a lifescape – the people will say “ooooo…”
We’re grateful, and you will be too.
Sincerely
Filed by Staff, Team 17, February 20, 2016