Just so you know, my dear
Just so you know
Just so you know, how I love you so
But Jim Book is with me right here
Just so you know…
Avid readers of Kyiv Commix may recall from the latest episode of the Commix series “Back in the Newsroom,” how the career-minded Cocoa informed Kyiv Poster Chief Editor Bret Boner of her decision to resign as the paper’s CEO. She did so via an email, to which the no-nonsense, old-school newsman replied (but didn’t send): “No skin off my nose, bitch.”
Now Cocoa had arrived at the Poster following a course of study at arguably America’s highest hall of learning, Harvard – a fact which she didn’t fail to reveal in numerous appearances among the pages of the Poster, not to mention public speaking engagements in Kyiv dedicated precisely to this subject. Indeed, the young woman’s rapid rise to local fame might only have been matched by another Poster veteran, PR executive and Kyiv-based writer Welsh Losser, whose Internet success has also not gone unnoticed by Kyiv Commix.
Possibly less known to our readers is that Cocoa had launched herself into the public domain of English-speaking Kyiv from a more modest position at the Poster, namely, the well-stocked ranks of the paper’s internship program, the seamier side of which was amply covered in the Commix series “Boner’s Sex Harassment.”
In doing so, our editorial team has left itself wide open to charges of sensationalism and character assassination, which we readily accept. It’s like really… are we the only ones talking about this guy’s extra-editorial antics, or what?
That brings us nicely to an even lesser-known moment in the history of the Poster, which once again Kyiv Commix was not remiss in illuminating. Does anyone remember the…
The newsroom phone rings, and Chief Editor Bret Boner is distracted from his reading of the latest notice on Kyiv Unedited’s officially unsanctioned public notice board, a habit he’s only lately acquired.
“Hello, is that Bret? I saw your job vacancy for an editorial position at the Poster and thought I would take the more direct approach. You know, give you a call to get a feel for the requirements before writing up some silly cover letter. You must get a lot of resumes as is…”
Boner interrupts the caller and then politely but firmly, in gruff trademark street reporter voice, explains the paper’s procedure for receiving applications of employment. Resume and accompanying cover letter can be submitted electronically but must be short, presentable and received in a timely manner…
“What? Are you fucking kidding?” the caller cuts him off. “Timely? You print that job ad with more regularity than the weather forecast. I figured you always need someone, no doubt because of the salaries you offer… or maybe it’s that sexual harassment rumor you’ve got hanging over your…
Boner hangs up and refreshes the chat board session of Kyiv Unedited website that he still has open on his desktop…
“Does anyone remember the incident with career newsman Jim Book?”
LitMan: Jim who? I’m afraid I missed that one.
Muck Raker: Hah! You’re not the only one. That guy was in and out of the Poster so fast he barely had time to dye his hair black…
Commix Girl: Jim Book was a Moscow-based correspondent with years of on-the-ground journalism experience in everywhere from Beijing to Papua New Guinea…
Mukraker: Hah – that’s where he got the hair dye!
Commix Girl: Three weeks after being named CEO of the Kyiv Poster, Book wrote in an email to newspaper employees that he has decided to move to New York to raise funds for the newspaper and pursue other career opportunities, but I suspect other forces are at play here.
LitMan: Ok, I remember now, and agree too. The whole thing smells of intrigue.
Mukraker: And HAIR DYE too… Hah, hah, hah.
Commix Girl: And the record would seem to support such a suspicion. For example, in “Back in the Newsroom: Upstairs”, published on 31 January 2016, there is ample reference to romantic relations between Boner and Cocoa… with an unmistakable undertone of bitterness on the part of the chief editor that apparently extends to Book.
The newsroom resounds with another disruptive phone call. Boner tries to wave it off. Let someone else get that for a change, “Damn it all.”
But the call gets transferred to him all the same.
“Hello,” the woman introduces herself then promptly proceeds to explain the reason behind her call, namely, executive level employment at Ukraine’s window to the world. She was of course no Cocoa, had been fully educated in Ukraine and was to the best of her knowledge all white.
But she did have experience in sales and, yes, was knowledgeable of the fast-changing media world, whatever that meant. Would Boner, however, mind explaining who exactly invested trust in the Kyiv Poster brand and, for the matter, why he felt ethics and independence were important when the paper was hopelessly in the red?
Oh, and why does a 16-page weekly paper need 35 employees… that’s more than two people per page…?
The phone rings again, and this time it’s Kyiv Post Publisher Moe Zaire.
“Hello Boner, yeah it’s me. That’s right, you guessed it: I’m fucking pissed off, and not at my secretary, or stupid wife.
“I’m pissed off at you, Boner, and not just because you cost me tens of thousands of dollars in losses every month.
“No, it’s not just that. I don’t even care that you continue to promote your saggy sullen mug as some kind of model newsman, hero journalist, defender of democratic values with your suspender-suspended ass parked behind a desk in a building that I own and operate.
“No, it’s this Book deal, that is, Jim Book, book of the month, or whatever the fuck he goes by. Just who booked him with the Poster is what I want to know, and why did he end up in the States saying he’s raising money for our books?
“Am I getting through to you Boner? I see your shit. We need to be on the same page. It’s an open and shut case. You either play by the book or you can find yourself another publisher…”
To be continued
Filed by 47L, on his lunch break, February 19, 2016