(WARNING: READING OF THE FOLLOWING MATERIAL IS ILLEGAL AND COULD SUBJECT YOU TO CRIMINAL PROSECUTION UNDER THE COPYRIGHT LAWS OF THE STATE OF NEW JERSEY)
Back in Remand – Yeah Right!… as published on de-ass-por-a.com.ua web forum
“The prisoner sits, returned to his cell, in the basement of a dilapidated apartment block on Naberezhnaya Lugovaya Street in Podil. He’s chained to the radiator, now toasty to the touch.”
MUCK RAKER: NOW WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING BACK IN THAT BASEMENT AGAIN?
LITMAN.UA: He’s a prisoner, you cretin. Read “Tribulation of Saint Stephan” Dusk and Twilight from earlier this year.
“Thick wet snowflakes plunge headlong past his window, filling the damp gray air like feathers from a pillow fight before they splash into the pavement and mostly dissolve. The trees are bare and brown, the rooftops frosty and white. It could almost be a Christmas setting if those noisy cars on the road would turn into horse-drawn sleighs, if that skinny dog were a timid deer foraging for sparse winter fare, instead of pissing on a bush.”
MUCK RAKER: OH, HOW POETIC ARE WE – PUKE, VOMIT, BARF!!
LITMAN: IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT THEN READ THE POSTER – I THINK THEY PROVIDE BARF BAGS ALONG WITH ENGLISH EDITING SERVICES.
“Stephan recalls a snow-filled holiday engraving from Medieval France that he’d seen as a boy. There’s of course a picnic table full of men in peaked hats and tights, feasting on ale and fowl, with busty wenches aplenty attending to every plate and chalice. But he’d always been more interested in the old man pulling the donkey overloaded with kindling in the engraving’s backdrop. There was a wood back there, too, that got darker and more entangled the deeper it went. The old man appeared to be heading toward it, but why, if he’d already collected his kindling?
“Was this a mistake on the part of the artist? Or was the old man not invited to partake in the Medieval merrymaking, forbidden to help himself to a roasted drumstick, excluded from the handholding circle of dancers, banned from the scene altogether beyond the silly but enticing sounds of the crumhorn, tabor and lute?”
MUCK RAKER: MAYBE THE OLD MAN WAS GOING FOR A SHIT. I DON’T THINK THEY HAD TOILETS BACK THEN…
“A mournful, bellyache of a sound starts up on the other side of his cell wall, insistent in its despair, purposely calling out to anyone caring or uncaring to hear, self-pity beyond reconciliation, despondency for the pleasure of it, misery to the point of high art.”
MUCK RAKER: ??? SOUNDS LIKE MY NEIGHBORS IN KYIV.
LIT MAN: SOUNDS LIKE YOU DESERVE EACH OTHER.
“It’s Boner’s finest hour. But it wasn’t always that way.
“On one of the otherwise bare walls hangs a plain-framed photo of a beaming Boss Lard in younger years, his starched white shirt with ink-stained sleeves, standing in front of a printing press, arms akimbo, the stance – jaunty and sure.”
MUCK RAKER: OOPS – HOW DID THAT GET IN THERE?
COMMIX GIRL: IT GOT THERE BECAUSE IT BELONGS THERE. BRET BONER, CHIEF EDITOR OF THE KYIV POSTER AND WELL-KNOWN SEXPAT WAS AT LEAST PARTLY INVOLVED IN THE FINAL FIRING OF STEPHAN – THOUGH NOT NECESSARILY RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS MURDER – AND SO IT’S NOT UNUSUAL THAT HE SHOULD AT LEAST SYMBOLICALLY OR UNCONSCIOUSLY BE PRESENT IN THIS HELLHOLE THAT STEPHAN HAS FOUND HIMSELF IN…
MUCK RAKER: I DUNNO.
“It’s almost dark now, and Stephan, wide-eyed and sallow-skinned, could pass for a cloistered monk waiting for the call to Matins. Not that he’d uttered a single prayer since his days at the church-run children’s school outside Kyiv. Faith had abandoned him, but not the aura of the faithful. His nimbus, now dull, greasy and opaque, still held hope of enlightenment, or so he secretly believed.
“But evil touched is evil stained. Death in a sack of wrinkly skin had asked him to look in and he didn’t look away. In fact, he stared into the blackest bottom one’s eyes could ever imagine, while shut.
“Everything was in that stinking sack – cold-hearted greed, bloody carnage, incestuous lust and an insatiable longing to live beyond death, while others die in his place.”
LITMAN: I THINK THIS IS A REFERENCE TO JOSH DAVIES. FOR ANYONE INTERESTED, CHECK OUT “THE KANSAS DINER” SERIES FROM 2013 – SIMPLY AWSOME!
COMMIX GIRL: THANKS – I’VE READ IT AT LEAST SIX TIMES J
MUCK RAKER: I LIKE THE MANEATING CLOWN EPISODE MYSELF BUT I GUESS I’M JUST A ‘CRETIN’.
“The moan has now turned to groan in the neighboring cell, whose occupant has taken to clawing his nails into the wall… ‘I know what you’re trying to do, but it’s not going to work… I know what you’re up to you son of a bitch and got you pegged, in my sights,’ the man continues in a mocking, sore-throated ramble.”
MUCK RAKER: AGAIN: FOR ANYONE ON THIS FORUM INTERESTED IN REAL COMMIX ENTERTAINMENT AS OPPOSED TO THE LATEST LITERARY TRIPE DIGUISED AS DEEP SPIRITUAL SUFFERING (BARF, PUKE), SEE The Kyiv Commix’x Case of the Man-eating Clown – The Screenplay, Act 1 FILED BY J.S. 27/06/15.
“… The prosecutor was relentless, to be sure. But that was to be expected. Was there another way to conduct a murder trial… even if no one had been murdered… at least not by him?
“Character assassin.”
COMMIX GIRL: HERE WE’RE GETTING BACK TO THE TRIAL SCENE – DOES ANYONE REMEMBER THE ORIGINAL SANT STEPHAN MURDER TRIAL FRAME IN EARLY 2013: HILARIOUS.
LITMAN: I AGREE – REALLY FUNNY.
MUCK RAKER: FARTING JUDGES AND THE FERRET ON THE LAM – I’M WITH YOU – FOR ONCE!
COMMIX GIRL: AMAZING J
“But the character witnesses were the most damning. That fat-ass in the fedora with the beady eyes and curled quivering lip… Then there was fat-ass No. 2: Stupid – yeah, and arrogant, too.”
MUCK RAKER: “You’re going down, Step. You know it and so do I,” returns the voice from the other side of the wall.” HAH – SOUNDS LIKE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER: I’LL BE BACK.
LITMAN: IT’S JACK STEP, STUPID.
COMMIX GIRL: BEG TO DIFFER – THAT’S DIRK DICKERSON OR I’M NOBODY’S GIRL.
MUCK RAKER: AND WHO’S THIS – THAT FAT BLACK QUEER FROM A FEW FRAMEWORKS BACK…?
“Swing low, sweet chariot, Coming home to take me away. I’m as guilty as pie and don’t ask why Coming home to take me away…”
COMMIX GIRL: THAT SOUNDS RACIST.
LITMAN: COULD BE…
Filed by Author Unknown, December 14, 2015
Re: Author Unknown: If you have knowledge of this person’s identity or whereabouts, please contact the secret editorial board of Kyiv Unedited at Name of Website Slash Contacts